Those were my first words post-surgery. I was thinking that I'd cough one last time before they put in the breathing tube, but actually I was just coughing because they had just taken it out. I was so amazed that it was already over!
Thursday morning my mom and sister arrived at my house bright and early. I drove us to the hospital because I'm the most comfortable driving into the city and my sister would have plenty of time to practice afterwards. We checked in, paid my $250 co-payment and then went down to the surgery center. The same woman was at the counter and remembered us from the pre-op appointment the week before. She made sure that she had my mom's and sister's cell phones and then we just waited a few minutes until they were ready for us.
My mom went back with me - they said that Alison would be able to come back in a few minutes. I changed into a hospital gown and some grippy socks and then we just hung out and waited. I kept having to pee - I'm a bit of a nervous pee-er anyway, but it still seemed weird that I peed 3 times that hour we were waiting. Right around 8am, it got super busy in the holding area but they still didn't come for me. My surgeon came and marked up my head, the anesthesia team came and got me hooked up. Around 8:30am (I think), the drugs started to kick in and they wheeled me out. My mom and sister were dropped off at the first elevator, but by that time I was completely gone - hence the asking to cough.
During the surgery, they had me completely strapped down. My heels and elbows were jammed into blue cushy things, but the one for my left foot must have had a piece of metal sticking through because I had the WORST pain in my left heel for about two days afterwards. I also wish they had stuck a pillow under my legs because I woke up with my lower back practically spasming from the pain of being in the wrong position for 6 hours. Oh - and the metal clamp they used to keep my head in position scratched my forehead. So I woke up with boo-boos all over me.
I also woke up not being able to move my right side. My tumor was very close to my motor functions and sensory receptors. Apparently my doctor had said that there could be some problems with that, but I chose to not hear that. But luckily I was still under the effects of the drugs so it didn't really bother me. The pain in my lower back bothered me a lot more and I made my surgeon move my leg for me to relieve the pressure on my back. "Wait, before you go, can you prop my leg up?" He didn't really know how to take me. And then I insisted that he tell my family that everyone in post-surgery sounded like my mom and sister. I was afraid I'd forget about it otherwise and it was just really important for me to let them know that they were the first things my brain wanted to hear after I woke up. And when I was moved into the ICU room, the nurse in there coughed and it sounded just like my sister's cough. I was all amazed that she'd already be in there, but it was just the nurse.
It was weird that things like that made sense. Alison being in the ICU room first didn't seem like an impossibility, but it made a lot more sense that she wasn't there. And I knew that it wasn't really my mom and sister who I heard in post-anesthesia, but I knew that it was significant.
I had been told that there was a good chance that I wouldn't remember that morning at all, but I woke up remembering that I had peed three times (this also felt significant, obvs) and with the same song running through my head.
My mom and sister came up to see me once I was settled in ICU. They had restuck things on me, maybe changed my gown?, gave me a cool washcloth to clean my face (BEST THING EVER) and the nurse even drew a picture of what my head looked like on the whiteboard across from me. I felt surprisingly lucid and normal when they came in to see me. I kept trying to adjust my hospital gown so it wouldn't be all hanging off me - I remember being traumatized when my dad's gown hung off him when he had his heart surgeries. But they said I was fine. And it was just awesome seeing them and talking to them and cracking jokes and just overall feeling normal.
I was so afraid of what I'd be like after surgery that I just never let myself really consider it. I didn't want to think of myself as not being able to think properly or not really be me anymore. That's what scared me the most. So that I was still able to joke with my family, that I still had music in my head - well, that made me happier than anything else in the world. I knew that if I was still me, I could handle the rest.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Debbie Update
Hi everyone, this is Debbie's sister Alison. Just wanted to let you know that Debbie is out of surgery. They were able to get 100% of the tumor and the doctor says that all went well! He said he was able to get out all of the tumor, and burn off the little bit against the sagittal sinus.
Debbie arrived around 6am, was wheeled into the OR at 8:30. They told us that they began the procedure at 10am, the microscope part of the surgery at 11am, and she was out just before 4pm.
When she was in Recovery, the doctor said Debbie asked him to tell our mom and me that, "The people down here sound like them." He said she may not make sense at first but that will come back quickly. He said she may have weakness on the right side but she should be back to normal in a couple of days.
She will be in ICU tonight and a day or so then they will see if Debbie needs any physical therapy to bring back the strength of her right side.
Debbie or I will be back here to provide an update once there's more information.
Debbie arrived around 6am, was wheeled into the OR at 8:30. They told us that they began the procedure at 10am, the microscope part of the surgery at 11am, and she was out just before 4pm.
When she was in Recovery, the doctor said Debbie asked him to tell our mom and me that, "The people down here sound like them." He said she may not make sense at first but that will come back quickly. He said she may have weakness on the right side but she should be back to normal in a couple of days.
She will be in ICU tonight and a day or so then they will see if Debbie needs any physical therapy to bring back the strength of her right side.
Debbie or I will be back here to provide an update once there's more information.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
'twas the night before surgery...
Seems so weird that today I'm running around doing errands, having a new mattress delivered, helping my brother-in-law move his new mattress and tomorrow I'll be all post-surgery-y and unable to do any of this. Think it's more weird because I don't have any real problems from the tumor.
I am getting more freaked out as the day winds down, but part of that is because I know my brain will take a while to get back to normal. So is every T crossed and every I dotted? Will I be able to handle whatever is left with a possibly confused mind? But I've done as much as possible and I think the only thing left is to pack my bag for the hospital.
Oh - and finish making my bed. Clean sheets on a new mattress. Pretty good for the night before surgery, right?
I am getting more freaked out as the day winds down, but part of that is because I know my brain will take a while to get back to normal. So is every T crossed and every I dotted? Will I be able to handle whatever is left with a possibly confused mind? But I've done as much as possible and I think the only thing left is to pack my bag for the hospital.
Oh - and finish making my bed. Clean sheets on a new mattress. Pretty good for the night before surgery, right?
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
more on my haircut
I took my sister and best friend with me to get my hair cut because I needed the moral support and my sister documented the process!
The Before shot. I pulled my hair all the way to the front so you can see just how long it really was - the longest layers were almost to the middle of my back.
My stylist, Kathleen, put my hair into two braids so there would be more usable hair for the donation.
I kept telling her to go shorter. I wanted it to be all about my bangs and not very much left in the back.
It turned out pretty cute!
Secretly, I ended up trimming it a bit at home - the sideburn thingys and I made my bangs a little more even instead of the asymmetrical thing Kathleen did (which was per one of my pictures, but I decided when I got home that I didn't like it after all).
I also got rid of my brassy, blonde-ish highlights to make it a little more edgy, a little less suburban (I may live in the suburbs, but I don't like to look that way)
And here's the final product! (picture taken two days later)
I do really like my new cut and am thinking about keeping it short for quite a while, though it is pretty hard to figure out what to wear to avoid the whole suburban look. But I'm getting used to it. It's good stuff.
I couldn't have done it without these women! So lucky to have them in my life. Mwah!
The Before shot. I pulled my hair all the way to the front so you can see just how long it really was - the longest layers were almost to the middle of my back.
My stylist, Kathleen, put my hair into two braids so there would be more usable hair for the donation.
Then it was time to cut it off!
I kept telling her to go shorter. I wanted it to be all about my bangs and not very much left in the back.
It turned out pretty cute!
Secretly, I ended up trimming it a bit at home - the sideburn thingys and I made my bangs a little more even instead of the asymmetrical thing Kathleen did (which was per one of my pictures, but I decided when I got home that I didn't like it after all).
I also got rid of my brassy, blonde-ish highlights to make it a little more edgy, a little less suburban (I may live in the suburbs, but I don't like to look that way)
And here's the final product! (picture taken two days later)
I do really like my new cut and am thinking about keeping it short for quite a while, though it is pretty hard to figure out what to wear to avoid the whole suburban look. But I'm getting used to it. It's good stuff.
I couldn't have done it without these women! So lucky to have them in my life. Mwah!
oh, YOU'RE the 33 year old with a brain tumor?
Yesterday was my pre-op appointment at Georgetown University Hospital. I have to say, they were all super nice. Genuinely super nice. Really makes me happy with my choice of hospital.
But I definitely got a few looks like "are you okay?" or "you're too young to have a brain tumor." And yes, yes I am. Thanks for noticing. But I still have one and I still need to have it removed. Let's keep the show on the road. The tech kept giving me very concerned looks until I smiled. Sorry lady, you're very sweet and doing a great job, but I'm still at pre-op for brain surgery, not a comedy show. I'm going to look concerned and worried because I am. And unless you're matter-of-fact about it all, I'm going to cry. I might cry anyway.
Because I'm actually pretty darn freaked out. The past few weeks have been great. I've been off in blissful denial land and loving it. I went to a bunch of concerts, I hung out with my friends, I bought stuff for my house but put off cleaning it and I also put off properly training my replacement at work. Why rush? I have lots of time!
Now I have just over a week. It's a little scary.
But my house is coming together. I moved all the stuff that doesn't belong in my spare room out and just need to organize what's left. Then I need to cart a bunch of stuff off to Salvation Army and put the rest in my attic (and my fabulous friend, Shelly, is coming over on Sunday to help with this - and go with me to get pedicures). Who knows if my bedroom will be clean, but that's not as big a deal. All I really need to do is change my sheets. My main priority is clearing off my guest bed since my mom will be staying with me. But I'm almost there.
And work is coming together as well. Right before I found out about the tumor, a girl (woman? she's just a few years younger than me so girl seems too juevenile but woman seems too old. young woman? that's goofy. anyway...) from our HR department expressed interest in joining my department. I thought it was a great idea, my boss thought it was a great idea and HR agreed to let her go. No idea why, though, because she rocks. She's organized and dedicated and a hard worker. She's cute and bubbly and we were already friendly so it was a natural fit to have her in my office. She also totally rolled with going from helping me to replacing me for 6 weeks. In a position and department that she didn't know the first thing about. And now that she's officially up here, we've been able to go over so much. It's a little hard for me because I'm not used to dictating everything I do and answering questions constantly during the day, but it's all very important so she gets it. And she is. So that's comforting.
But I've put off telling the last few people that I really should tell that I have a tumor. A few friends, a few work contacts. I just don't want to have the conversation AGAIN. It's tiring, it reminds me that I'm freaked out. It makes me wish I have sent those emails back in December when I was in denial-land (trying really hard to not pun about Egypt). Kind of making me wish I had gone for the December surgery date because then it'd already be over (but then I would have missed two really great concerts, Christmas and my niece's birthday and probably would be even more freaked out than I am now).
Bah. It's only another week and then it'll be over and I'll be in recovery. Two weeks from now I'll have been back home for a few days and this whole freaked out/rushed feeling will be gone. No matter what happens in the next phase, I just want it to start already.
But I definitely got a few looks like "are you okay?" or "you're too young to have a brain tumor." And yes, yes I am. Thanks for noticing. But I still have one and I still need to have it removed. Let's keep the show on the road. The tech kept giving me very concerned looks until I smiled. Sorry lady, you're very sweet and doing a great job, but I'm still at pre-op for brain surgery, not a comedy show. I'm going to look concerned and worried because I am. And unless you're matter-of-fact about it all, I'm going to cry. I might cry anyway.
Because I'm actually pretty darn freaked out. The past few weeks have been great. I've been off in blissful denial land and loving it. I went to a bunch of concerts, I hung out with my friends, I bought stuff for my house but put off cleaning it and I also put off properly training my replacement at work. Why rush? I have lots of time!
Now I have just over a week. It's a little scary.
But my house is coming together. I moved all the stuff that doesn't belong in my spare room out and just need to organize what's left. Then I need to cart a bunch of stuff off to Salvation Army and put the rest in my attic (and my fabulous friend, Shelly, is coming over on Sunday to help with this - and go with me to get pedicures). Who knows if my bedroom will be clean, but that's not as big a deal. All I really need to do is change my sheets. My main priority is clearing off my guest bed since my mom will be staying with me. But I'm almost there.
And work is coming together as well. Right before I found out about the tumor, a girl (woman? she's just a few years younger than me so girl seems too juevenile but woman seems too old. young woman? that's goofy. anyway...) from our HR department expressed interest in joining my department. I thought it was a great idea, my boss thought it was a great idea and HR agreed to let her go. No idea why, though, because she rocks. She's organized and dedicated and a hard worker. She's cute and bubbly and we were already friendly so it was a natural fit to have her in my office. She also totally rolled with going from helping me to replacing me for 6 weeks. In a position and department that she didn't know the first thing about. And now that she's officially up here, we've been able to go over so much. It's a little hard for me because I'm not used to dictating everything I do and answering questions constantly during the day, but it's all very important so she gets it. And she is. So that's comforting.
But I've put off telling the last few people that I really should tell that I have a tumor. A few friends, a few work contacts. I just don't want to have the conversation AGAIN. It's tiring, it reminds me that I'm freaked out. It makes me wish I have sent those emails back in December when I was in denial-land (trying really hard to not pun about Egypt). Kind of making me wish I had gone for the December surgery date because then it'd already be over (but then I would have missed two really great concerts, Christmas and my niece's birthday and probably would be even more freaked out than I am now).
Bah. It's only another week and then it'll be over and I'll be in recovery. Two weeks from now I'll have been back home for a few days and this whole freaked out/rushed feeling will be gone. No matter what happens in the next phase, I just want it to start already.
Monday, January 2, 2012
new haircut!
So I did it. I cut my hair on Friday. And while I'm still getting used to it, I think it's pretty fun!
headache relief: concerts
Yup, that's right - concerts
So the massages have been GREAT at holding off my headaches, but it seems to wear off after a week and a half or so. Friday I woke up with a headache and had one off and on all day, but I also had tickets to see The Roots that night. Like I'm going to miss that. Heck no. So I pulled myself together and felt like I could just power through.
And for a while I was fine. But then my heels started killing my feet and I couldn't deal with pain in my feet AND my head. So I sat down - the show was at the Fillmore Silver Spring, which is all GA, but the balcony has concrete risers so I took advantage. They also have TV screens so even though I was sitting, I could still see the show. For a less-than-optimal situation, it was pretty good. And when the headaches would cycle back to the intense level, I could close my eyes and just focus on the music and ride out the pain. And it totally worked. If I had been in a perfectly quiet room, I would have just focused on the pain. The concert helped me just block all of that out, enjoy the show and move on with my life.
I like that. And thankfully, I have another massage scheduled for tomorrow!
Update: The New York Times just did an article about how listening to music can help with pain management and anxiety. Read it HERE.
Here's a clip from the show. And yeah, that's a sousaphone in the background, jumping around as much as the guitarists. It was pretty darn awesome.
So the massages have been GREAT at holding off my headaches, but it seems to wear off after a week and a half or so. Friday I woke up with a headache and had one off and on all day, but I also had tickets to see The Roots that night. Like I'm going to miss that. Heck no. So I pulled myself together and felt like I could just power through.
And for a while I was fine. But then my heels started killing my feet and I couldn't deal with pain in my feet AND my head. So I sat down - the show was at the Fillmore Silver Spring, which is all GA, but the balcony has concrete risers so I took advantage. They also have TV screens so even though I was sitting, I could still see the show. For a less-than-optimal situation, it was pretty good. And when the headaches would cycle back to the intense level, I could close my eyes and just focus on the music and ride out the pain. And it totally worked. If I had been in a perfectly quiet room, I would have just focused on the pain. The concert helped me just block all of that out, enjoy the show and move on with my life.
I like that. And thankfully, I have another massage scheduled for tomorrow!
Update: The New York Times just did an article about how listening to music can help with pain management and anxiety. Read it HERE.
Here's a clip from the show. And yeah, that's a sousaphone in the background, jumping around as much as the guitarists. It was pretty darn awesome.
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